Your son is 18 years of age or older
Your
son is 18 years old. He is legally an adult. Physically too. He is at the end
of puberty, so his hormonal secretions are running out. It also puts the
finishing touches on his personality. And while his brain is still developing
in some way, it is also maturing.
But
there are still many steps ahead. Eighteen is the beginning of adulthood. This
year, he will seek intimacy, not isolation. He will move from the daily routine
at home and at school to what he creates for himself.
Here's
where he's in development, what he's going through, and what he needs from you
(whether he means it or not).
Language
He
talks like an adult... maybe with everyone but you. Your son talks to friends,
at school and at work, so he may not feel talkative at home.
But
when he does, boys at this age often refine their personality by choosing
arguments that help them verbalize their thoughts on moral issues. He may be
able to articulate these thoughts clearly, but still be unable to explain why
he left the front door open all night. Again.
Development
Socially,
your 18-year-old son is becoming more confident in who he is and in the
decisions he makes. He hangs out with his clique, but also begins to understand
what it means to care for others. He is likely focused on a long-term love
interest and prefers to spend more time with adults than teenagers. This makes
him more open to adult guidance.
He
gets it: the world opens before him. Your 18 year old is starting to look at
things like future plans and goals.
And
while he's becoming more realistic in his dreams, he's also more confident than
ever that he's bulletproof.
Emotionally,
he separates from you because he relies more on himself for what he needs. He's
still dependent on his family in a way, but he's figuring out how to grow up.
This includes a greater capacity for intimacy and empathy.
He's
gone through a growth spurt and his physical changes are fading, so he's not as
focused on what's going on in his body. It's probably as big as it gets.
Your
18 year old son understands his sexual identity and orientation better than
before. This opens the door to intimate sexual relationships that are as
emotionally focused as they are physically.
Problems
At 18,
your son feels invincible. This courage is useful during the many new
experiences he will have at work and at school. But it can also blur his sense
of right and wrong when it comes to drugs, alcohol, sex, the internet, and the
friends he chooses.
When problems
arise, he learns a lot about how to cope with difficulties and about his
ability to recover. Leaving the house, not leaving the house, going to college,
or entering the labor market can cause normal feelings of anxiety or sadness,
which will stabilize after a few days.
Depression hangs around. Look for angry outbursts, loss of
interest in favorite activities or sports, lack of energy, weight loss or gain,
problems with school.
This
is also a transition period for you. When you look at your son, you see both a
child and an adult. Since you are straddling the line between practice and
non-intervention, it is still important to play an active role in your son's
life during this final stage of development.
Keep
talking to him about drunk driving, drug choices and consequences. Open his
eyes to all the ways he can make positive decisions for himself.
Encourage
him to stay physically active, especially if he quit playing sports in high
school.
The
pressure to engage in conversation on social media can make him check his phone
obsessively. If he has left home, he may need help figuring out how much play
and screen time is too much. Tell him about your priorities like studying and
sleeping. Help him balance screen time with sports, activities, and personal
interactions.
Above
all, be present and available when he is around. Create opportunities, such as
taking a walk, creating a space where he feels comfortable to share what is
happening to him or ask for advice. Even if you don't agree with their opinion,
stay with them.
You are still his parent. And he still needs you to be a relative, not a friend. Model the adults you want them to be.