Your son at 14
If you
have a 14-year-old boy at home, you already know that he has changed almost
overnight, and it seems huge. Other changes may be more subtle. All boys are
different and all reach certain stages of development at different ages.
But at
14, it's safe to say that your son's skyrocketing self-esteem will surprise you
and, at the same time, bring new challenges to your relationship. His
relationship with you, with his peers and even with his own body is changing,
and he is struggling to keep up and become a strong young man.
Physical changes
At
this age, your son is a teenager. Changes vary from person to person, but
physical signs may include:
- A spurt in height, weight, and strength
- A voice that changes, gets deeper, and “cracks” from time to time
- Development of acne
- Growth in his penis and testicles
- Growth of underarm and pubic hair
- “Wet dreams” and ejaculations
Again,
everyone is different, but if your son doesn't show some of these signs of
puberty at 14, you can make an appointment to see a doctor for a physical exam.
Changes in the way of thinking
Your
son is likely starting to show more complex thought patterns, although it can
sometimes be difficult to get rid of these thoughts. You may notice:
- He’s developing strong likes and dislikes.
- He seems to communicate less at times.
- He’s eager to enter into heated arguments and discussions with you.
- He challenges your assumptions and solutions.
- He’s becoming interested in politics, philosophy and social issues.
Social change
At 14,
your son will experience friendship and, most likely, the first real sexual
feelings. Most likely, he will face peer pressure, forcing him to try alcohol,
tobacco and drugs. This is a busy time in his life:
- He's obsessed with social media, texting and instant messaging, and probably gaming.
- He shows more interest in, and is influenced by, his peer group.
- He’ll begin spending much more time with his friends.
- His sexuality is beginning to emerge.
- He’ll need more sleep.
- He’ll most likely want to stay busy with all kinds of activities.
- He’ll have both male and female friends and may have a wide social circle.
- He may be embarrassed by you and by his family in general.
Emotional changes
At
this point in your son's life, he is in the middle of puberty, which means his
hormone levels are going up and down. He will face emotional changes and new
and strange feelings. You can see :
- Some mood swings, sometimes he can be depressed and angry
- Concentration on oneself (probably fluctuating between moments of great self-confidence and great insecurity)
- That he is "in love" for the first time
Stay safe
This
is a time when your son will have many choices about who to be friends with,
who to follow, and who he wants to be. You can help him with many problems and
pay attention to some things:
- Substance abuse. Talk to your son about the
dangers of drugs and alcohol, vaping and e-cigarettes. Listen when he talks to
you about these things. Try not to judge him or his friends, because the key is
to keep the lines of communication open. Be a good role model. Do not forget
that he looks at you and is inspired by you. In addition, many of the drugs
abused by teens are prescription drugs that they take at home. You may want to
keep them locked up.
- Know his friends. Be sure to get to know the kids
your son spends time with as he watches them and gets inspired by them too.
Reassure them that you are always ready to accept them if the group engages in
activities that are unacceptable or that they do not like.
- Time to watch TV and the Internet. Make sure you know what your son
is watching on TV and consider restricting access to age-inappropriate content.
The Internet is a different story. Although children use it in school and for
healthy social interaction, there are many possible dangers, including
bullying, sexual exploitation, hate sites, and a lot of pornography. Talk to
your son about the dangers. The more you know about his online life, the
better.
- Sex. Your 14 year old will no doubt be
silent about his sex life. But the sooner you talk about it openly and
honestly, the more often he will come to you when sexual problems arise.
Freedom within limits
At
this age, your son will seek more independence and it is important that you
give him some space. Let him know that with privilege and freedom comes
responsibility and respect.
He may
not respect you and start thinking that he knows everything. On the other hand,
he may think that you know very little about something. Soften your reaction,
but don't let him get away with this behavior. Be sure to set limits with
consequences and stick to them.
Give your son perks based on performance. He is old enough to be assigned housework and should be expected to do it. Also expect to complete home and school assignments with the promise of earned privileges and additional freedom based on responsibility.