Your son at 13
At 13,
your son is no longer a small child, but he is still far from a man. This
"middle" age can be a test for both of you. Here's a look at the
changes your son is going through this year and what you can do to help him
become a great adult.
Language
At 13,
boys express their thoughts in longer, more complex sentences. They use sarcasm
and humor. Instead of relying on spoken words, they are able to pay attention
to body language and tone of voice.
13-year-old
boys also adapt their speech style. For example, you will hear your son talking
to his friends in a different way than to his teachers or to you.
How
can you help:
- Find time to talk. Many boys at this age have little
interest in "talking". Try to get your son to open up while you're
doing other things like working in the yard, driving, or setting the table for
dinner.
- Ask questions that require more
than "yes" or "no". Instead of "Did you have a good day at
school?" try: "What made this day so good?" »
- Be ready to listen. When your son is ready to talk,
stop and give him your full attention.
Physical development
Many
13-year-old boys go through puberty. It is likely that your son will grow
testicles and a penis, as well as begin to grow pubic hair. He may begin an
erection for no reason, as well as "pollutions".
As
your son's voice box and vocal cords begin to expand, his voice will deepen.
You will also notice that his hair and skin begin to get oily, and his face may
become covered with pimples.
How
can you help:
- Encourage your son to be active. If he is not a natural athlete,
he may be tempted to avoid all sports. Help him find physical activity he
enjoys.
- Eat meals as a family. This will help your son make
healthy food choices.
- Limit screen time. Boys of this age should not spend
more than 2 hours a day in front of a computer or TV.
- Reassure your son that these
changes are normal.
Tell him that all boys in puberty are in the same boat. Let him know that he
should not be embarrassed or ashamed.
Social
Adjustment
has never been more important to your son than it is today. For this reason, he
will most likely prefer to be with his friends rather than with his family at
home. You can also see him explore different clothes and hobbies while trying
out different looks.
Although
boys at this age begin to have a clear sense of right and wrong, peer pressure
can be a problem. Many 13 year olds test their limits and try risky behaviors.
How
can you help:
- Stay on top of social networks. Know what sites your son uses and
make sure you approve of them.
- Make sure he knows about the
risks of drug use.
The need to feel grown up or adjust to life can turn into a pleasure to drink,
smoke or try drugs. Talk to your son about the dangers of this.
- Talk about sex. Your son needs the right
information to make the right choice. Share your values and then talk about
safe sex and consent.
- Select your battles. Hold on to big issues like drugs and let go of small things like a messy bedroom or a haircut you hate.
Emotional
He may
seem independent, but your son has mixed feelings about "breaking up"
with you. That's why he wants to chat with you one minute and rolls his eyes
the next.
Boys at
this age are very self-confident and doubt themselves. They are also very aware
of the opinions and reactions of others.
How
can you help:
- Keep him included. Your son must continue to
participate in family decisions and activities. You are his anchor, even if he
doesn't like it.
- Help him get ready for the real
world. At
13, your son can do household chores. He can also mow the lawn for a neighbor.
Making him own money will give him some freedom and help him be more
responsible.
- Be a good role model. By watching you, your son learns
to communicate with people, solve problems and manage his emotions.
- Help him stand out from the crowd. If your son hasn't found his
special talent or hobby yet, help him try new things until he does.
Academic
Boys
at this age are like sponges, ready to absorb a huge amount of information.
Many begin to show increased interest in a particular topic.
Your
son is also a deeper thinker now. He is able to understand concepts and look at
things from other perspectives.
How
can you help:
- Stay informed. Attend teacher meetings and open houses at his
school to see how he is doing.
- Doing homework is a big deal. Add it to your calendar. Make
sure he has a quiet place to do this. If he needs help, let him know that he
can come to you.
- Help track his time. Many boys at this age have trouble doing homework.
Help him stay organized with a calendar or diary so he knows when cool projects
are due.
- Know the signs of a learning disability. These include reluctance to write or read aloud, or problems with words and remembering facts. If you see this happening, talk to your son's teacher.