Tips for parents

Parenting advice changes so often that it's easy to feel like you're wrong no matter what.

Connect

Set aside “10 minutes of special time with you every day for each child. Call it "Hanna time" or "Ethan time" so they know it's all about them. One day they choose what to do. The next day, you will focus all your attention on your child, with all your heart.

Make sure your siblings are busy elsewhere – and put your phone away! Ninety percent of your interaction with your child must be about communication in order for him to accept the 10% adjustment.

Control your emotions first

Whatever the problem — bad grades at school, tantrums, dinner refusal — always start by calming down before interfering in your child's affairs. Most of the time, a problem with your child may seem like an emergency, but it's not. You can take a deep breath and step aside to calm down and be the parent you want to be.

Reconnect when set limits

Don't yell from the kitchen, 'Clean your legos, it's time for bed.' Go where he is, get on his level and see what he's doing. We always rush the children according to the schedule. admire what he did, and then talk about getting some sleep. If you set boundaries with empathy, he'll be more likely to cooperate.

Don't close the conversation

If your child says, “I hate math! I will never go back to school again! probably not just difficult. Heightened emotions mean that something is happening. If you just say, “Of course you go to school, now do your homework,” you will close the door to find out how he really feels.

Instead, open the door by saying something like, 'Looks like you really don't like math.' Can you tell me about it? This helps the child feel safe opening up to you.

Welcome tears

Part of your job as a parent is to help your child deal with his emotions, and sometimes we all need to cry. Parents think that when babies cry, they need to be calmed down quickly, but the opposite is true. Teach them that these big emotions like pain and anger are not dangerous, switch to compassion and empathy.

Your job is to help the child feel safe enough to express big, scary feelings—and yes, even let them collapse into your arms. If he can't articulate them, you can help him show it by setting kind boundaries by saying something like, "Oh honey, I see you're upset." I'm sorry it's so difficult.

Spend a lot of time laughing

Children need animal laughter. Leave time for rude and stupid things. Laughter helps kids feel safe and helps them change when they have to leave you for school or a babysitter because they feel connected.

But I do not recommend tickling children to make them laugh. … It does not reach the goal of liberation and can drive children out of control.

Avoid power struggles

As parents, we are told that we should be in charge, and the children should do what we say. But no one wins in a power struggle, so don't get hung up on showing who's boss.

For example, if your child is still resisting dinner, think about their real needs. If she says she's not hungry now but will be hungry later, she probably means it. Is it the end of the world if she eats dinner while you read her a bedtime story?

Don't take it personally

If your child is upset and picky at them, it's usually not about you. Don't attack back. If your child is rude to you, I would try to say, “Oh! We don't talk to each other. not that way. You must be very upset talking to me in this way. This opens the door to discussion, not escalation.

Help your child learn self-discipline

Self-discipline is giving up something you want in favor of something you want more. This is important as the child grows. If he wants to be good at something, he must learn how to deal with difficult times. If his train doesn't converge or his puzzle is too hard, sympathize with the frustration and push the child to solve the problem.

Never interrupt a playing child

Okay, you can't always follow this rule. But play is child's work. If they enjoy doing something so much that they get lost in it, that's the passion and flexibility they'll need to succeed in everything they do. I want to do it like an adult.