Secrets of toddler discipline

Saying "no" doesn't always work. How to make a child live and learn - and at the same time not lose his temper.

Have you ever found yourself in a drawn-out negotiation with your 2-year-old daughter about whether she can wear her princess costume to kindergarten for the fifth day in a row? Did you have a "walk of shame" at your local supermarket after your little one threw a tantrum on the floor? Knowing you're not alone can be comforting, but it doesn't make it easier to navigate the discipline in the early years.

Early childhood is a particularly difficult time for parents because it is the age when children become more independent and discover themselves as individuals. However, they still have limited ability to communicate and reason.

“They understand that their actions matter — they can make things happen. This results in them wanting to make their mark on the world and make themselves known in a way they didn't when they were babies. -control, and they don't think rationally. It's a very difficult combination."

Here are some simple toddler discipline strategies that will make life easier for your entire family when your pushy little one needs guidance.

Be consistent

Order and routine offer young children a refuge from what they see as an overwhelming and unpredictable world: “When there is some predictability and routine, children feel more secure, they tend to be much wiser and calmer because they know what to expect.”

Try to stick to the same schedule every day. This means having consistent bedtimes, mealtimes, and bedtimes, as well as times when your little one is free to run around and have fun.

Tell your child ahead of time if you need to make changes. Telling your child, "Aunt John will be watching over you tonight while Mom and Dad are away for a little while," will set him up for a slightly different daily routine and possibly avoid the bedtime scene.

Consistency is also important when it comes to discipline. When you say "don't hit" the first time your child hits another child on the playground, you should also say "don't hit" the second, third, and fourth time your child does it.

Avoid stressful situations

By the time your child has reached the toddler stage, you have spent enough time with him to know what is causing the reaction. The most common are feeling of hunger, drowsiness and rapid change of location. Avoid these potential crisis scenarios with a little planning ahead.

"You have to plan ahead, which means you don't go to the grocery store when your child needs a nap."

Try to keep your child at home during sleep, nap and meal times. If you are away, always keep food on hand in case of a sudden attack of hunger. Keep excursions short (for example, find a different restaurant if your significant other has been waiting an hour, or shop when the lines are shortest). Finally, plan ahead so you don't have to rush (especially when you have to bring your child to kindergarten and yourself to work in the morning).

You can make the transition easier by involving your child in the process. It can be as simple as setting an hourglass for five minutes and saying that when it rings, it's time to take a bath or get dressed. Or it could be as simple as giving a child the choice of wearing a red or blue shirt to school.

Be sure to think out loud and let your son or daughter know about the next step in the program. Toddlers can understand much more than they can express.

Think like a kid

Toddlers are not mini adults. They struggle to understand many of the things we take for granted, such as how to follow instructions and behave appropriately. Looking at the script from a toddler's point of view can help avoid tantrums.

"You can say, 'I know Derek, you don't like sitting in a car seat. But that's what we have to do." set a line, but you do it in a way that respects the child and you use it as an opportunity to help them learn to deal with frustrations and the rules and norms of life.”

Giving choices also shows that you respect your baby and acknowledge their feelings. If you ask your child if he wants to take his favorite book or something to eat with him in the car, it will help him feel that he has some control over the situation, while you maintain control.

Practice the art of distraction

Make your little one's short attention span work for you. When your child throws a ball at the wall in the cafeteria for the 10th time after you said "stop", it's pretty easy to redirect them to more productive activities, like swapping the ball for their favorite book or taking the game outside.

“[Parents] need to create an environment that is most conducive to good behavior for toddlers. If they are doing something they shouldn’t be doing, the idea is not to punish them, but to start another activity or take them and put them on place. in another room.”

Give your child a break

Timeouts are one of the foundations of child discipline, but they may not be the best approach for preschoolers. The negative consequences of being fired can teach children that they are bad instead of encouraging good behavior.

If you give your child a time out, limit it to a minute or two at that age. Instead of calling it time out, which can be confusing for kids under 3, call it something more positive.

Experts suggest creating a "cubby nook," a safe space free of distractions and stimulation, where your child can relax for a few minutes until they can regain control. This time away can also help you regroup.

Correct bad behavior, but also take the time to praise good behavior. "If you don't tell your child when he's doing the right thing, sometimes he'll do the wrong thing just to get attention." When you tell your toddler that he did something great, chances are he will want to do it again.

Stay calm

Your blood pressure easily reaches boiling point when you watch your child throw a tantrum. But losing control will quickly aggravate an already tense situation. Give yourself time to calm down: “Otherwise, you give vent to your own anger. Ultimately, this will make you feel worse and more guilty as a parent. And it won't do your child any good. »

“I call it the Stepford Wife approach. When your baby cries, say "I know, I know," but remain completely calm when you pick him up. Don't show emotion."

Sometimes the best tactic is to completely ignore the behavior. "You literally act like they don't do what they do", "You ignore the behavior you want to stop." When your baby realizes that his burst of crying won't get him a second pacifier or your attention, he will eventually get tired of screaming.

Your child may push you to the limit and you may be tempted to spank him. But most experts warn against this practice. “When we spank, kids learn that physical punishment is okay. And so we model exactly what we don't want our kids to do."

Know when to give up

Some things in a baby's life are non-negotiable. She has to eat, brush her teeth and ride in a car seat. She should also take a bath from time to time. Hits and bites are never acceptable. But many other questions are not worth the headache of the argument. Choose your battles.

"You have to decide if it's worth fighting for, and about half the time it's not worth fighting for" means you can let your son wear a superhero costume at the grocery store or read The Generous Tree 10 times in a row. Once he gets what he wants, you can slowly get him to change direction, like putting on a different outfit or choosing a different book to read.

Finally, know that it's normal to feel stressed about your little one sometimes. “Realize that none of us as parents are perfect – we try our best. There will be days when we will be better than others”, “Go see more good days than bad. »