How to handle a temper tantrum
You
are standing in the snack section of a supermarket. At your feet is your little
one who has just been told (by you) that no, she can't eat Cinderella's fruit
snacks. Her face took on a hue between red and purple. Her fists pound the
ground in fury as she lets out a scream that can be heard in the farthest
corners of the parking lot. Other shoppers stare at the sight as you
desperately want a hole in the ground to open up and swallow you.
Many
parents have experienced a similar scenario, although the crisis may have taken
a slightly different form; crying, hitting, kicking, stomping, throwing
objects, and holding your breath are all popular tantrums.
Tantrums
are extremely common among children, especially between the ages of 1 and 4,
the first part of which is sometimes referred to as "terrible twos"
when children are still learning to communicate effectively. More than half of
young children have one or more tantrums a week, when they express their
dissatisfaction and protest against the lack of control.
Although
they are part of a toddler's normal repertoire, outbursts of anger can be
distressing to parents. When they happen infrequently, tantrums don't matter
much and are best ignored. When they become regular or intense, parents need to
find out what is causing them and find ways to stop them.
Triggers of tantrum
Some
children are more prone to tantrums, especially children who are short-tempered,
hyperactive, or cranky, or children who do not adapt well to new environments.
For most toddlers, tantrums are just a way to express their frustration and
test their limits.
The
smallest things, whether it's asking them to take a bath while watching Sesame
Street or asking them to share their favorite soft toy with their little
brother or sister, can get young kids excited. Any situation involving change
can lead to tantrums. Add fatigue or hunger to the equation, and kids with even
lower tolerance thresholds are even more likely to throw a tantrum.
How to stop screaming
The
easiest way to stop a tantrum is to give the child what he wants. Obviously,
this strategy will not help you in the long run because your child will
constantly throw tantrums whenever he wants something.
The
first step to dispelling a tantrum is to keep your anger under control. You are
not going anywhere with your child if you both yell at each other. Spanking a
child is also not the best option, and this will only exacerbate the crisis.
Take a deep breath, control your emotions, and then discipline your child by
letting him or her know calmly but firmly that outbursts of anger are
unacceptable.
If
your child still won't calm down and you know the tantrum is just a ploy to get
your attention, don't give in. Even if you have to walk around the supermarket
dragging a screaming baby, just ignore his tantrum. It's easier said than done,
but stick to your guns and the lesson time will eventually get longer and
she'll know you're serious and it won't work. Once your child understands that
tantrums will get him nowhere, he will stop screaming.
If
your child is upset to the point of becoming inconsolable or out of control,
hold him firmly to calm him down. Gently tell him you love him, but don't give
him what he wants. If that doesn't work, take him out of the situation and
pause for a minute or two to give him time to calm down. The general
recommendation for a timeout is one minute per year of the child's age.
Tantrum prevention tactics
Instead
of stopping a tantrum once it starts, avoid it by following these tips:
- Avoid situations in which tantrums are likely to erupt. Try to keep your daily routines as consistent as possible and give your child a five-minute warning before changing activities.
- Communicate with your toddler. Don't underestimate his ability to understand what you are saying. Tell him the plan for the day and stick to your routine to minimize surprises.
- Allow your child to take a toy or food item with her while you run errands. It may help her stay occupied.
- Make sure your child is well rested and fed before you go out so he doesn't blow up at the slightest provocation.
- Put away off-limit temptations (for example, don't leave candy bars lying on the kitchen counter close to dinnertime) so they don't lead to battles.
- Give your toddler a little bit of control. Let your child choose which book to bring in the car or whether she wants grilled cheese or peanut butter and jelly for lunch. These little choices won't make much of a difference to you, but they'll make your child feel as though she has at least some control over her own life.
- Pick your battles. Sometimes you can give in a little, especially when it comes to small things. Would you rather let your child watch 15 extra minutes of television or listen to her scream for 30 minutes?
- Distract. A young child's attention is fleeting and easy to divert. When your child's face starts to crinkle and redden in that telltale way, open a book or offer to go on a walk to the park before it can escalate into a full-blown tantrum. Sometimes, humor is the best way to distract. Make a funny face, tell a joke, or start a pillow fight to get your child's mind off what's upsetting him.
- Teach your child other ways of dealing with frustration. Children who are old enough to talk can be reminded to use their words instead of screaming.
Praise
your child for getting it right. When he stays cool in a situation that would
normally have triggered a tantrum, tell him he did a good job of controlling
his temper.
If tantrums become more frequent, haven't stopped by age 4, or your child is at risk of hurting themselves or others, it's time to call your child's doctor.