Discipline for teenagers
Bad behavior doesn't stop when
your baby is out of diapers or even college. In fact, the teenage years can
bring some of the toughest discipline challenges parents face.
Getting offended, arguing,
lying and rebelling are just some of the ways teenagers misbehave. There is a
good explanation for this bad behavior. As teenagers become more independent,
they still lack the emotional maturity they need to make informed and thoughtful
decisions. The parts of the brain responsible for decision making and impulse
control are not yet fully developed. The combination of autonomy and immaturity
can lead to risky behaviors in teens such as drinking, smoking, and unprotected
sex.
You want your kids to do the
right thing, but it's not easy to discipline teenagers. When they respond, you
can't just put them on a timeout like you did when they were toddlers.
Effective parenting of adolescents requires smarter and more rigorous
disciplinary strategies.
The purpose of discipline is
to gain more control over your children without over-controlling them.
Set clear rules
Teenagers and teens go beyond
the realm of possibility to see how their parents will react. It is important
to set clear rules and have consequences if those rules are not followed. For
example, the punishment for breaking curfew might be that your teen has to stay
home the next weekend.
You will face less resistance
if you involve your children in developing their own consequences. Remember
that you always have the last word.
Put it in writing
To avoid misunderstandings,
make a formal list of house rules or write a behavioral contract that you and
your teen sign. Post the list or contract on the refrigerator or some other
central place where your kids won't miss it.
Here are examples of clear
rules: “The curfew is at 8:00 pm on weekdays, at 10:00 pm on weekends, and you
can’t go outside until homework is done. Also state the consequences:
"Anyone who breaks any of these rules loses the TV for a day." If
your kids don't follow the rules, all you have to do is point to the list.
Be firm and consistent
Teenagers are master
negotiators and manipulators. They are able to detect any signs of parental
weakness. As you squirm and give in to their pleas for mercy, they will expect
the same response every time they misbehave or break the rules.
Being consistent when it comes
to disciplining teenagers also means that both parents need to be on the same
wavelength. If one parent always says yes and the other always says no, your
teen will know exactly which parent to ask.
While you are firm, remember
to also be fair and understanding. A little empathy goes a long way in
disciplining teenagers.
Know which rules are important to you
You want to be consistent but
not harsh. From time to time, you can succumb to trifles, if it is not
dangerous.
Purple hair, for example,
might not appeal to you, but your teen probably won't hurt. On the other hand,
drug and alcohol use is non-negotiable.
Be a good role model
If the "No swearing in
the house" rule is in effect and you swear like a sailor, you give your
teenager the right to do the same. The best way to encourage positive behavior
in teenagers is to preach to yourself.
Teach responsibility
An important part of raising
teenagers is teaching them how to make decisions. Children need to learn that
every choice they make, good or bad, has consequences. Sit down and talk about
some of the dangerous long-term consequences of risky behavior, including drug
addiction, pregnancy, smoking, and drunk driving.
Know that no matter how well
you prepare your children, they will still make mistakes. It is important to
show them how to learn from these mistakes.
Stay involved
One of the best ways to
prevent teen bad behavior is to know what your kids are up to. You don't need
to spy on your teens or eavesdrop on their phone conversations, you just need
to be an involved and interested parent. Ask what your children do when they go
out with friends. Know who they hang out with and where they go.
Being an involved parent also
means watching for any warning signs that your teen is in trouble. These signs
include: missing school, losing or gaining weight quickly, having trouble
sleeping, spending more time alone, getting in trouble with the law, or talking
about suicide. If you notice any of these changes in your teen, seek immediate
help from a doctor or therapist.
Understand
You may be viewing your
teenage years through rose-colored glasses, but remember that this turbulent
time in life comes with a lot of stress. Teenagers are under tremendous
pressure to do well in school, excel in many different activities, keep up with
all the current fashion trends, and match up with their friends.
Before blaming your teen for
bad behavior, try to understand what motivates them. Will there be problems at
school? Problems with boyfriend or girlfriend? Harassment?
Encourage your children to open up their problems to you by creating an environment of honesty and respect. Let them know that they can talk to you about anything. Even sensitive topics such as sex and drug use should not be banned. Let your teens know that you will always love and support them no matter what they do.