Dads: Getting ready for baby
Your
partner may be getting all the attention right now, but when your new baby
arrives, both of you will have your hands full. Use these lists to make sure
you're ready.
Also
ask your doctor what else you can do to promote a healthy pregnancy. For
example, if you smoke, do everything in your power to quit. The chemicals from
secondhand smoke can harm your baby both before and after birth.
Birth
The
thought of having a baby can be a little scary. But you can do a lot to make it
smoother.
- Learn the basics at a childbirth class.
- Talk to your partner about pain management during delivery.
- Learn massage to help your partner through delivery.
- Take a tour of the facility where birth is planned.
- Map the best route to the facility.
- Preprogram important numbers into your phone.
- If you have other children, arrange for childcare during the birth.
- Make a list of family and friends to notify when baby is born.
Most
likely, your partner will want you to be there for support. Then you should
decide together on the level of your activity. Think about your two
personalities, your relationship, and your expectations for having a couple.
Ideally, they should receive the support they need, and you should help them at
the level that suits you.
Here
are a few roles for dads these days. Either one is fine as long as it works for
both of you.
- Be a coach. This is the most practical role.
You will help your partner relax and push him, cheer him up and be his advocate
in front of the hospital staff. In some cases, you can lift the baby and put
him on his stomach.
- In childbirth classes, you will learn about each stage of labor, how your partner may feel or behave during it, and how to guide them through breathing and relaxation exercises. No matter how much you decide to get involved, childbirth classes will help you know what to expect and put you at ease about childbirth.
- Share the coaching. The work can be long and
difficult - for both of you. You may want a friend or family member to be
around to help you. This person can help guide you and stay with your partner
when you need to eat or take a break. An extra person can provide emotional and
physical support to both of you.
- Be a teammate. If you want to be in the game but
don't want to be a quarterback, you might like this role. You encourage and
help when your partner asks, but you just let him or the nurses tell you what
to do and how much.
- In this case, you can hire a doula, an experienced "nurse assistant". Doulas usually act as patient advocates and hands-on trainers. The doula stays with you when the nurse is away for an extended period of time. Having a doula can free you up so you can focus on your partner and childbirth.
- Cheer from the sidelines. Many couples choose this option.
You are here to hold your partner's hand and rub his back. You can take a photo
or video of your baby's birth. You can even cut the umbilical cord. But you are
happy to let others do the practical work.
- Wait outside. In some cases, a woman does not
want the father of her child to be around. If you weren't involved in the
pregnancy, or if you distanced yourself from them, chances are they won't.
Whatever the reason, if your presence in the room causes them stress, it can
make labor difficult. Then you better be somewhere else.
However,
for most fathers, being with their partner is a good choice. In a study of how
new dads perceived the experience, 81% said it was rewarding and enjoyable. No
matter how involved you are, watching that final push that sends your child
into the world can be an unforgettable experience.
Home and car
Your
partner may have less energy these days. You can be of great help by preparing
the house and car for your little one.
- Set up the nursery.
- Baby-proof the house.
- Cook some meals and stock the freezer.
- Install the car seat for your baby.
- Look into childcare or housekeeping help, if needed.
Labor and finance
You
can calm yourself down by putting your financial ducks in line. It's too early
to start planning for the future.
- Look into paternity leave.
- Line up family health insurance coverage.
- Consider talking with a financial planner.
- Start a college or special fund if you can.
Baby care and bonding
Your
child will be lucky if both of you. This is the perfect time to learn all you
can about this brave new world of parenting.
- Attend parenting classes with your partner.
- Learn how holding and feeding helps with bonding.
- Learn to change diapers so your partner can rest.
- Pick up your favorite childhood books to read to the baby.
- Ask about well-baby visits.
- Read up on child development for the years ahead.
Life with your partner
Your partner probably feels a
little frail after giving birth. Whether they gave birth by caesarean section or
vaginally, they will be painful and may experience bleeding and vaginal
discharge for several weeks. They may have painful urination or involuntary
leakage of urine, called urinary incontinence. On top of that, they may have problems
with constipation or hemorrhoids due to the stress of childbirth. If they gave
birth vaginally, the bleeding could last longer if they had a vaginal rupture.
Recovery from a caesarean section requires limiting activity for several weeks.
This is enough to shorten any fuse.
What
can you do:
- Pitch in as much as possible.
- Help out by doing the household heavy lifting: grocery shopping, laundry, and meals.
- Be patient, especially with physical contact. They may take 4-6 weeks to fully heal, and even then they may not be ready for sex. Let them take the lead and show them your affection with your hugs and kisses. They may also enjoy rubbing their feet from time to time.
Breastfeeding should not be
breeze.
Although it seems like it should happen naturally, breastfeeding is not easy
for all mothers and babies. Your partner may be upset if your baby has
difficulty suckling. They may have sore nipples at first while your baby is
learning to suckle well. Some women have clogged milk ducts, which can be a
painful problem. And since the baby needs to eat every 2-3 hours, the mother
also sleeps little.
What
can you do:
- Encourage them to sleep when the baby sleeps.
- Make it your job to handle nighttime diaper changes.
- If they are using a pump, learn how to clean it.
Emotional changes. Some new moms have bouts of
sadness and anxiety known as "baby blues". Feeling sad, anxious, or
depressed can be an integral part of adjusting to motherhood. However, if these
sensations worsen, become severe, or last longer than two weeks, they may have
postpartum depression and should talk to their doctor.
What
can you do:
- If you notice that they are a little depressed, ask them how they feel. Just talking to you can help a lot.
- Encourage them to take breaks and leave the house while you babysit, even for a little while.
- If you notice that she has symptoms of postpartum depression, suggest that she seek help. They may not realize that they are depressed.
Remember that this is temporary. Before you know it, your partner will feel the way they used to be again, your baby will start sleeping for more than 2 hours straight, and you will all be getting used to a comfortable daily routine like a new family.